Sending you all thoughts of pastel-colored, heart-shaped candies, pretty red and pink flowers, and lots of love this Valentine’s Day. (I hope you celebrate YOU this weekend.)
I do have to admit, though, I’ve always had mixed feelings about this particular holiday.
Don’t get me wrong, if you’re fortunate enough to be sharing your life at the moment with someone special and are looking forward to celebrating this weekend — go for it! I am, after all, a sucker for romance.
And this is certainly NOT another rant on how overly commercialized this day has become. While that’s probably true, who am I to judge if this is someone’s favorite holiday (expensive roses and all)?
But here’s where the mixed feelings come into play — I’ve seen too many women (and men, too, actually) make themselves absolutely miserable over this holiday by giving in to the “comparison game.”
For example, single women may envy their happily married friends, or married couples may watch their single friends going on grandiose Valentine’s Day dates and yearn for the early stages of romance, and so on. It’s a week where so many of us forget the fact that happiness does not come from external factors (from gifts, from lavish dinners, or even from your spouse) — happiness comes from within and, make no mistake about it, it’s a choice.
It’s your choice.
And — I’m going to level with you here — if you slip into the “comparison game” often you’re making the wrong choice.
For starters, when you’re constantly comparing yourself to others, you’re coming from a place of lack, fear, and possibly even insecurity and jealousy. Second, when you’re busy comparing, you’re focused on what you don’t have — not on what you do have. You lose your perspective on gratitude. (Remember, gratitude keeps you in the positive mindset of having, not wanting!)
And once you’re in this negative tailspin, it’s tough to get out. As in, it’s actually biologically difficult for you.
Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson describes the brain as acting like “Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.” What does this mean? More of the bad memories stick, while the positive ones easily slip away…
Your brain has a natural “negativity bias” — it places greater emphasis on bad things than it does on good things (a survival mechanism hardwired in us to keep us safe). And this can cascade into a whole host of problems for us —anxiety, depressed moods, sadness, embarrassment, anger and so on. Ever feel like you are your own worst enemy/critic? Have your ever done something that embarrassed you and then you played it out — in painstakingly vivid detail — 1000 times in your head? Meanwhile, your friends or colleagues can barely remember the incident? Well, this is why we do that! (Sooo annoying!)
The good news is, though, you can control a lot of this with your health (by controlling stress triggers), with your mindset, with your habits, with a gratitude practice, as well as a consistent mindfulness + meditation practice to keep things in perspective.
So, I want you to celebrate everything you do have this Valentine’s Day weekend, and not dwell on what you don’t have, or on what you think is “missing.”
And…if you know in your heart you’d like to make some changes in your life (to enhance it – not because you feel you need something to bring you happiness), then ask yourself the following questions:
- Are you ready for change? If so, why?
- Are you ready to feel healthier and more vibrant?
- Are you ready to truly LOVE yourself and your life?
Then let’s talk.
You have all you need currently within you to create whatever it is you want in life.
Wishing you a Happy Valentine’s Day weekend with all the feels (not the comparative, jealous or anything else other than the warm + fuzzy feels, that is.)
And, as always, wishing you lots and lots of high vibes!
P.S. If you’ve ever (truly and seriously) thought about working with a health + lifestyle coach, schedule a time to chat by clicking here. I may have a special Valentine’s Day treat in store for you!